Thursday, January 15, 2009
a life of choice
I've been a stay at home mum for almost 5 years now. It is a career that has brought many surprises, many joys, and many many long sleepless hours and challenges. Up until last weekend, I have been deep in my suffering mind. I have been feeling like "I been wronged" (insert southern accent here). I have felt like everything has been done to me, the dishes, laundry, dinner, somehow I've been living this victim role as a mum.
Then last weekend, my husband said "why can't you just be happy?" I didn't take this so well. Being a mum, stay at home or not, is a full time job that never ends. Most people don't live at their workplace, but us mums do. Sometimes it can feel like you are on a hamster wheel of dishes, dinner, laundry, groceries, crying kids and so on, you run all the time and get no where. You do the dishes and make dinner only for it to be a mess a few hours later, there is little satisfaction in that for me. Until now.
As much as I resented him saying that at the time, I thought about it, why can't I just be happy? I have two great kids, a great house, a fantastic husband and a career outside of our home that I am not only passionate about, I love my work. What was holding me back from seeing all this?
It's choice. I realized that I've been making the choice to suffer in my mind. When the reality is my life is not so bad. I create my own days, I pick what we get to do most of the time, I can sit at the table and work on my crafts as my daughter builds towers with her crayons, I can pick up my son from school and make terrariums after rest time, I get to be a part of my kids lives in a really special way, it's a gift.
So, I've decided to choose to be happy in my work as a mum. It's not easy and I still wish my husband would do the dishes more consistently, but I'm lucky. This week, I've taken the time to be with my kids, to choose happiness, and the result? My kids have been happier too.