please listen

Listening is a skill that I think for many people is going the way of the Dodo bird, kind of like customer service (more on that another time). We are so busy with our own lives, thoughts and opinions that many people have lost the ability to really listen to one another. Haven't you ever been with someone, sharing what is going on in your life only to have them interrupt you with their own thoughts before you can even finish your own? How can we truly hear what the other has to say if we are already formulating our response while they are talking?

Ok, what does this have to do with birth and children? Everything. Listening is THE most important thing you can bring to pregnancy, birth and mothering next to your intuition. When we listen to our bodies, we know how to move in labour. When we listen to our hearts, we know what we truly need. When we listen to our babies and children (just because they are 6 doesn't mean that they don't need to be listened to as well), then we can really hear what they are trying to tell us. We have such a tendency to run to experts, books, courses, some other place to tell us what to do. How can we look for creative solutions if we do not first take the time to listen to what the problem is in the first place?

Our bodies and children are telling us things all the time. Our bodies and children want to been seen for who they are, for what they want to say, for what their experience is. When we ignore the messages or place our own ideas in place of theirs, they just get louder and louder until we finally listen to what they are saying. This often manifests in illness, tantruming children, labours when women feel unheard or relationships where we don't feel seen. We need to take the time to stop, to be still, to really hear what is being said. We need to acknowledge what the other, or ourselves is feeling and respond with love and gentleness.

Your body wants to be heard, your child wants to be heard, your partner wants to be heard, heck, we all want to be heard. So please, stop, and listen. It is such an amazing gift to give others and to yourself.

Thank you friend for your inspiration to write this post.

what is there to say?

What do you say when there is nothing to say? How do you find words when nothing in our language can express how you feel? How do you process the experience of holding a mother as her child goes with the angels right in front of you? How do you witness your partner go through the stages of grief as he wonders if there was anything else he could have done, knowing that he did everything he could? How do you take a breath as you tell you child that his friend has gone with the angels as he responds, "I want my friend to come back."

There is no making sense of the insane. That moment when you know that nothing is in our control and that being present is all we can do. It is in this moment as we experience our own grief and trauma and witness and support those who have lost a son, that we know there really is nothing to say, except, I love you.