learing to be still

I wrote about this a few months back. I thought that I had been doing it. Not so much. Still in some ways, constantly moving in others. The result? A continuous state of overwhelm, burn out and some days coloured blue. Why? Because in my ever moving mind, there is something that always needs to be done. And because there is something that always needs doing, I am always reminded that I can't keep up. Painting, laundry, birthday projects, cleaning, cooking, shopping, advertising, gardening, exercise.... oh the list goes on and on.

It wasn't until I spoke to my divinely wise friend who said "maybe you don't need to do those things right now, maybe you just need to be still" Hmmm, I thought, maybe I do. But how? And what would come out of it? More things that I am just getting behind on because I decided not to do them right now? No, not at all.

Our conversation continued on the vein of listening. I mean really listening. To ourselves, our bodies, our own wisdom, to our partners, friends and children. All of those facets are trying to send us a message, but how can we hear it if we can't be still enough to listen?

Then it came to me. We are all searching for an answer of some sort. Some questions are deep and meaningful, others more practical. We are all waiting to receive yet how can we if we can't first listen? And how can we listen if we can't first be still? Hmmm, very Zen of me I know. Sound as obvious as the sky is blue? Sure it does. Can you do it? Ahh, the deeper question, it's not as easy as it looks. I wanted to write this post as soon as I had this epiphany, but I forced myself not to, just to practice being still and allowing the idea to fully develop.

So the laundry, it's coming. The birthday project is on hold, the groceries got done today, but no one starved, the cleaning? I'm working on it. I feel more grounded, more able to listen and maybe one step closer to peace.

still

I've been a bit uninspired to post lately. Maybe its because I have gone through a huge process in deciding which school my son will go to, maybe it's because I've been trying to be a more present mum and just don't go on the computer as much or maybe it's because I have so much to say, I just don't know where to begin.

Whatever the case I feel like I need some time to be still. I need to be still with my family, with my work and especially with myself. So I have chosen to sign up for a 3 month study group and allow myself to take some time to focus inward and get clear on which step to take next. It feels good to stop and pause, to see all that is around me and know that just because it is there, I don't have to dive into it right away. It's kind of like being on this beach. The waves are crashing against the shore, the coastline feels rugged and wild and yet, when I took this photo, I sat down on the sand and just took it all in. The ocean is funny that way, there is something inherently calming and humbling about it. And while you may want to dive in, sitting down and just being with it is also perfectly acceptable.